Sunday, May 2, 2010

A test of faith

Life isn't always easy. No one ever said that it would why is it, that we expect everything we want to us without the least bit of effort on our part?

Here I sit, in Maine, enjoying the company of my family...and contemplate the last couple of months.

You see, we lost our home. Amidst a husband losing his job....amidst a child with a brain tumor...amidst a pregnancy that has gone smoothly in spite of the stress that has been looming the entire time...amidst a health scare with Paysie and little unborn Judson...God decided that this just wasn't enough.

My goal has been that, instead of asking why and getting angry at God...that I ask Him what will YOU have me learn? What is YOUR purpose in allowing this heartache in my life? With YOUR help...what can I do to further YOUR kingdom through my situation?

My faith has never wavered, and for that, I am eternally grateful. It had nothing to do with me and ALL to do with HIM!

There has been many tears...many unanswered questions...but never any doubts that God would and is providing for my family.

And it has been hard. Very pack up a home, when you don't know where God is leading you. When you aren't sure where you will end up. Instead, we had to rely completely on God that because HE KNEW exactly where we would live...that had to be enough for us...and it was.

I've learned so much from my children over the past couple of months. They ask no questions...but instead, portray complete dependence that mommy and daddy are doing what they have to do and never once have they questioned their well-being, safety or future.

My prayer has been to have that same unquestioning attitude when it comes to God. I don't know why things happen the way they do. Even now, I have friends that are hurting and scared of the unknown...and this is my prayer for them as well.

Will we ever know the future the way God does? No. But knowing that our Mighty Creator knows the outcome of even our smallest problem is enough...and not only does He know the outcome...He has complete and sovereign control over it! And this is MORE than enough!

Again I sing....GREAT IS THY FAITHFULNESS!! I sang it at my little boy's bedside at his impending surgery...I sang it as I sat by him in recovery....I sang it when I waited to hear the results of my little girl's echocardiogram...I sang it when I found out about possible genetic issues with Judson...I sang it when I discovered that our house was no longer our own...and I sing it now....Knowing that through it all HE has been FAITHFUL and will continue to hold me and my family in His hands.