Over the past few weeks, I will confess that my patience has been tried. Instead of approaching life's situations in a manner that would be glorifying to God, I have allowed my uncomfort and tiredness to get the best of me. Yes, my due date is in 2 days in my 5th fullterm pregnancy, but that is no excuse for the sin that has been so obvious day in and day out, especially over the last couple of weeks.
I feel like my life has been at a stand still. I haven't been enjoying these last few days of pregnancy. My life has instead, turned into 24 hours a day of just wanting it over with. I feel like I am just going through the motions of daily life and the joy that should be present, has disappeared....at least until our newest addition arrives.
Then something happens that brings it all into perspective.
You see, I should be thanking God for my condition. There are so many women who long to be in the last weeks of a pregnancy. They long for the discomfort. They long for the movements, the stretchmarks, the labor pains...and yet, for some unknown reason, it seems unreachable.
Today, I read about more loss. The faith that God provides in times like these is amazing and unwavering. To see it being played out in someone's life only strengthens my own. We don't always have the answers, but knowing Who is in control brings us that much more comfort.
Yet, here I still sit...with my next complaint already forming in my mind about my current pregnant condition. My impatience ready to pounce on the closest listening ear. How I pray that I can enjoy these last moments of having my baby girl all to myself. That I would treasure each movement, each hiccup, each ache and pain....and realize that anything I am feeling right now, is nothing compared to the the pain that is associated with the loss of a child...a unique pain that I have experienced three times over and hope to never know again.
I pray that my pettiness disappears, and I begin to enjoy where I am right now. To not look ahead at what tomorrow might bring, but at what I have right here. These four precious boys, a loving husband, and a baby girl, yet to be seen.
Thank you Lord for what I have today...and please prepare me for the future and the unknown. Take away my pettiness, my impatience and my idols. Prepare me for the pain that is soon to come and the joy that will soon follow.
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